I’ve been reflecting a fair bit on what it means to live life according morals, values and principles. For most of us, it comes easy to project these things outwardly and judge others against these standards. For the most part, that manifests in a negative and highly judgmental way. We tend to imagine the type of person that we want to be and then instead of putting all our efforts into living that truth we tend to talk ourselves up around it to any who will listen.
I am not one to say things that I don’t mean and rightly or wrongly I am honest about myself which mostly eventuates in focusing on my shortcomings. But I’ve come to realise that this isn’t a trait which seems to be mirrored by others. Recently I came across someone who appeared to be all of the things I would associate with someone who lived their truth and someone worthy of my respect. On paper they were the unicorn I’d doubted actually existed, exuding respect, tolerance and equality; in my mind a human being I would be proud to stand beside for the rest of my days. But like most things in this world, their actions were at odds with their words.
As human beings we tend to uphold this belief of who we should be and instead of sacrificing and toiling to live out that truth, we take the easy way out and play towards a hollow façade. Yes, I fight for equality but due to the discrimination I have experienced in my childhood, I am allowed to then project this on others based on the image of those who tormented me. Yes, I am a man who claims to be a feminist, an ally and yet I don’t provide the women I date with the respect they deserve because of the baggage I carry around from my past and the excuse I provide myself to get out of this.
I know that when others look at me they might see a naïve idealist whose beliefs belong to another time or realm. I understand that perhaps I expect too much from others, but at the very least I also apply those standards to my own life. I expect loyalty from others because I apply that rhetoric to all elements of my life. I shy away from filling awkward silences with hollow words because I mean every sentiment that comes out of my mouth, if I didn’t I wouldn’t say it. I sacrifice in love and bypass the trap of making someone new pay for the baggage and hurt I have experienced in my past, for this is a new chapter and a new opportunity. And yes I mean all those things I say because I live those words, with my entire being. I respect wholeheartedly, I practice tolerance universally and I love indiscriminately, and all this in spite of my insecurities, my misgivings and the pain of the memories of those who hurt me in the past.
I beg of you, don’t fall into the trap of playing out the rhetoric of that hollow façade which you have continued to project out onto this world. Embrace your true ideals, the things you fear the most, share these with others in the most vulnerable of ways and be willing to sacrifice to achieve what is in your heart. Be brave enough to live your truth and do not compromise on your beliefs and what you ultimately deserve. For it may not be easy in the short term, but I promise you the day you draw your last breath you won’t remember the things you pretended to be, you’ll look back and recall how you resided in this universe based on your lived truths. So don’t waste this time basing yourself on the image of who you ‘should be’ or how you deem others envision you to be. Be the unashamedly, whole heartedly, oh so vulnerable version of yourself that you have been scared to show others. Because surely, if you are going to reap the rewards of this heartbreaking but utterly beautiful existence, it is going be to within, through and of the most stripped down and honest version of yourself. Please don’t be afraid.
Sx
I blog for Change. 