The onset of summer (or summer –like weather) is associated with balmy nights and evening strolls through the pleasant heat. This is exactly what I was attempting to do last night as I made my way home after a movie with friends. I was seemingly minding my own business and getting lost in the notion of whatever was going on in my subconscious at the time. My facial expression I have no doubt gave off a deeply pensive state as that is exactly the mood that I was in at the time. Inevitably, as is the case for most women these days, whilst this was occurring a random (of course) male stranger decided that it was his business to tell me to ‘smile’. Actually, it was more like he yelled it at me from the across the street jarring me back into reality from what was a moment of pure peace within my own mind.
My initial reaction was to scoff at this idiot as he kept looking at me and ‘willing me to smile’. When I didn’t reciprocate I could see the look of sheer bewilderment on his face as I am sure he was thinking ‘sheesh what a miserable bitch’. I could feel his eyes burning into me as I attempted to walk away in a dignified manner holding onto my own self respect and dignity without being subjected to more of his verbal harassment.
I remember walking away thinking why didn’t I just tell that guy where to go with his misplaced, offensive bullshit that was projected my way anyway? But due to some socially engrained thinking around a woman not making a fuss, I scoffed it off and chose to simply continue walking with my head down to avoid his pervasive and invasive expectations and gaze.
The truth is the more I walked the angrier I became. The absurdity of telling a complete stranger how they should feel and therefore constantly put that one emotion on display is beyond anything I can put into words. Of course this concept is rooted in deep seated misogyny which purports that a woman, any woman, should forever display a pleasing look in any context that attracts males. The next comment after the order is barked out is usually ‘you would look so much prettier if you smiled’… as if it is my entire and sole role on this planet to look a certain way that pleases random chauvinistic cavemen who wander the streets.
The entitlement involved here is mind boggling. I mean if I were to walk past a man in any context and tell him that the look on his face at that moment was displeasing to me and that he needed to change it I am quite sure I would be met with a far from positive response. So what exactly is it that makes this incidence directed only at women to be perfectly reasonable?! Here’s a small fact for you, women can emote however they fucking please and no I do not value the experience of a complete stranger verbally harassing me on the street as I attempt my journey home.
Being objectified as a woman living in this patriarchal, entitled world is not something that occurs every now and then. This is a case of endemic and entrenched every day misogyny that women are subjected to every single day of their lives. One of the best twitter responses I’ve seen to men labelling women ‘feminazis’ for identifying and calling out such examples of misogyny is: “Sometimes I forget people are looking at me as I walk down the street, so I appreciate when someone reminds me to smile, said #NoWomanEver”
So let’s clear up the (intentional) misconception… this behaviour does not denote good natured comments and observations that women should take as compliments. Women are not seeking your validation and we do not exist to fucking please you. For gods sake the next time you open my mouth ready to tell a woman how to think/emote/act/look/dress/be.. do us all a favour and just keep your deeply pathetic, misogynistic, paternalistic, patriarchal, gender-biased opinion to yourself.
Oh and fucking educate yourself too… http://stoptellingwomentosmile.com/
End.
I blog for Change. 