What happens when you drift apart?

I tend to always be taken by surprise when an element of life shifts and develops into something that it wasn’t before. All of a sudden my surroundings seem unrecognisable and I find myself grieving the loss of whatever that is, or in this case was. I’ve often written about the importance of my friendships and just how much they mean to me. The thing to keep in mind with this is that I’m an introvert and an only child. For the majority of my existence I have therefore felt on the outside of most interactions. I’ve written about how my empathy makes me retreat from the world in search of comfort and solace. Sometimes this means being on my own, but at others it means surrounding myself with the people I love and the very few who I feel completely comfortable with.

In a way I suppose I’ve just always believed that the safety of this bubble would never change. I never factored in that perhaps the rigours of life would mean that some of these people who I have relied on, who I have found happiness within, who have been like family to me might drift out of this space. It never occurred to me that maybe friendship isn’t for life.

It’s all led to me ponder on what it is that keeps people apart of each other’s lives. What element is involved with consistently showing up and being a part of someone’s ups and downs, doubts and self doubts over a lifetime? I mean we are all individuals and therefore very different human beings. We experience pain and love and loss differently. We approach situations with varying strategies and we problem solve in different patterns and ways. In all of these occasions we bring along whatever baggage we have from our past, from our families and from our primary relationships into the space of our friendships too. So surely within this entire equation we all understand that staying and investing is a choice and maybe sometimes not the right one. But then what is the determinant of that, is it the ability to overcome, to be empathetic? On the other hand is it about ego, pride or acknowledging hurt? Or is it simply about love?

I have always been a person that wields an unending sense of nostalgia to life, oftentimes much to the annoyance of some of those more practical who are around me, who would probably wish that I would just get on with it and move on. Perhaps this nostalgia also exists because as much as I enjoy going in search of adventure, I require a certain level of stability and a fire burning at home to come back to. The people that I have chosen to have in my life are those who are there because I value their presence so greatly. In a way they have been the steady and stable infrastructure which I have always known I could fall back on. But what I haven’t seen clearly enough before is that maybe I have relied on them too much, perhaps they don’t want to play that role. Maybe I have made them my excuses for not taking steps forward down a path of a different path which is a little more uncomfortable.

The concept of drifting apart is something that has always been explained to me as a natural part of life. As we change and grow so do our attitudes, our beliefs and the things that mean the most to us. Our priorities shift and transform and our lives tend to look different as a result. All of a sudden there seems to be completely different circumstances to those which solidified our friendships in the first place. So do you stay and stick it out, or do you accept that your lives are in different places, be grateful for the connection you once had and all that it brought you and simply move on?

To be honest this is something I am still trying to figure out. Perhaps I am too nostalgic, perhaps I grieve the perceived loss of things too greatly and perhaps I have been too reliant on those around me to the detriment of myself and them combined. Maybe this all means that it’s time to release them and myself from the confines of what is known. Maybe the future holds something similar but different at the same time for both of us. Maybe this is exactly what we all need to move forward.

All I know is that change is painful and I am still trying to navigate the space of growing pains both for the gains of new love and with the potential loss of existing friendships.

Sx