Life never ceases to surprise me at just how cruel and yet at the same time uplifting it can be. One day you can be in love, lost in the sensation of warmth and comfort and the next you turn around and realise that you are nothing to that person. When something ends there is the inevitable and underlying fear that the moment you next see/hear or know of that person moving on that the world will crumble on top of you and bury you deep within its rubble. An act by which rendering you unable to carry on with life.
In spite of all of this personally I am always taken aback at my reaction in the face of that fear and any other which comes my way. I’ve noticed the power I unwittingly tend give to a situation is actually far more terrifying than the act of it coming into being. I likely spend hours upon hours stuck in a debilitating state of anticipation imagining the worst version of events. To then envision my body shutting down, my world ending and my life being over. I anticipate that the pain and the heartbreak will swallow me up entirely, devour my soul and leave me with a sense of hopeless nothingness.
In my mind I am inclined to go to the darkest places. I underestimate the element which is paramount to my existence but which goes missing in my consciousness at this time, that of enduring resilience. Because actually when that realisation does occur, when I find out that person has moved on, found love with another and forgotten about my sheer existence, my life doesn’t end. The being in which I reside does not falter and the world does not stop turning. Instead that day, like every other day, I wake up, put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
It isn’t even something that I have to try to do. It just happens, the natural progression of life meaning that as much as it may hurt, as painful and heavy as my heart may be, my body still carries me forward. Because in the grand scheme of things the loss of that person is just a blip on the radar. Fate, destiny and the existence of mere human life doesn’t cease to exist just because of my heartache.
I am amazed at the power of resilience within us human beings. What we are capable of is far more than the negative rhetoric that seems to take over our thoughts. We forget about our inherent strengths, our will to live and the progress and success that is destined for us.
Today my heart may be heavy. Tears may be brimming at my eye lids and as much as I try to hold them back, inevitably at some point they will still stream down my face. But in spite of all of this my soul beckons me forward. I continue to exist. My world having neither fallen from below me or my future snatched away from me. Instead its possibilities are endless and when I am ready to wipe those tears away and look up and forward, life with present itself with the opportunity to flourish once more.
Sx
I blog for Change. 