As I enter into a new year I can’t help but reflect on the one that has just passed. All in all it was a pretty neutral year. There was some heartbreak and trauma but there were also significant wins that occurred. I suppose this represents what life is about in general; a mix of both good and bad. The one thing that has seemingly changed within all of this however is how I view the world. I somehow feel different than I did this time last year; I feel more like myself than I have for a very long time.
Perhaps that’s also because I’ve built a certain level of resilience that could only come about through experiencing trauma. Life in 2025 taught me many lessons; inevitably on occasion these were learnt the hard way. But I’ve developed a sort of scar tissue from these times that will always be with me. Even when they’re fully healed, I will still be able to see the bumps and marks that remain. However, the reminder serves as a lesson that I survived; that I am a stronger, more tolerant and patient person because of how those moments inevitably broke me. In their aftermath I was able to put myself back together but not in the same way as before. The entire makeup of my being has changed because of them and probably for the better.
I think in the years before all of this I was slightly naive. I saw the world through rose coloured glasses which made me ill equipped for the true nature of this existence that we live in. Now I feel more aware, more ready for the shocks that occur in life. I can’t say that I won’t break down when they happen, but it is how I react in those moments that will count for the most. I have no doubt that a certain muscle mass has been built from heartache which will mean that it becomes almost second nature to sit in these moments, feel the sadness, grieve the loss but learn the lesson that was meant for me and move forward nonetheless. I am certain that I will continue to rise stronger than before again and again.
I can also say that as I come into this new year, my outlook is clearer than in the past. I feel more sure of myself, of my path in life than previously. I’ve always wanted to live life according to my own terms and somewhere down the line this got lost somehow. I look back at my former self and I can acknowledge that I was genuinely fearless. But the trauma of recent events in the last few years has made me afraid of everything, to the point that I don’t recognise myself. Somewhere deep down it feels like I’ve been holding my breath just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It has meant that I no longer look forward to things, but instead I can only worry about what will inevitably go wrong. But I acknowledge that this is no way to live. That there is no point living life like this and I don’t want to be afraid anymore, I want to return to that person that threw herself head long into the ether ready for anything that came her way.
This year I hope to be more intentional about everything I do. I want to be more consistent and finish the things I start. I want to be brave and chase my dreams. As the world opens up in front of me, I commit to no longer making excuses about pursuing what I want to, or living life the way I want to but only when x circumstance changes. I will commit to making a change and actually taking action now instead of in the future when conditions are more favourable. I’ve learnt to take nothing for granted and not bank on a tomorrow that may never eventuate. Life has proven itself to be incredibly finite and whilst I am now more realistic about life’s shocks, I will not let fear define me or stop me from living passionately.
To 2026, a year of fearlessness.
I blog for Change. 