Wild at heart.

I was recently doing some research for my writing and came across a term which resonated so deeply within me that for a second it took my breath away. It spoke of the energy of a certain full moon occurrence which was best described as ‘wild at heart’. I recall observing that it felt like such a beautiful way to describe the nature of anyone who follows their own heart without being afraid of external judgments or conventional ‘rules’ about what must take place in life. For me I’d best describe someone who is wild at heart as a person that lives and thrives in a way that is untethered and passionate and isn’t bound by rigid societal norms. Someone whose life beats to the rhythm of their soul, who shows up authentically again and again in spite of life’s inevitable trip ups.

For me upon reflection, it feels that for a long time I have been subconsciously holding myself back. I’ve been making myself smaller and not chasing my dreams. Presumably instead I have been treading water and presenting a more palatable, conventional version of myself out into the world. I have masked my dreams and hidden my true self all in the pursuit of a level of assimilation that has never been enough for me. For some reason I stopped listening to my heart; I stopped leaning into my wildness and it has muted me from the inside out. What’s scary about this is that it feels like I was always subconsciously aware that this was happening but I simply allowed it to occur anyway. As if I was on autopilot towards becoming a more palatable version of myself for the rest of the world to see.

But the truth is I want to chase all the rainbows, see and experience all that there is out there. I want to always remain free at heart and never mute that wildness that runs through my veins. For me it represents more than a term. Being wild at heart symbolises an individuality that I never want to be tamed. It calls me to live life authentically, chase life experiences and follow my passions vigorously rather than conforming to societal expectations as we age. There is an element here which also centers around rebelliousness. I’ve never been great with authority and now I can fully understand why that is. It’s mostly because I have no desire to live a life that looks like others or walk in the same footsteps as those in front me. I want to pave my own path. This will mean that the choices I make in life will look very different to outside observers looking in.

There will be many who will never understand; who will judge my choices and question the core of who I am. But the truth is their opinions have never mattered. The fundamental issue for many at the heart of this is not that I was wild at heart in my teenage years, or in my twenties; it’s probably that I have chosen to remain this way in my thirties and will inevitably do so into my forties and beyond. It presents an uncomfortable picture of a woman who will live her life, all throughout her life, the way that she wants to. She will live boldly and unapologetically and this will make some people mad for she will never conform to their stifled expectations of women of a certain age in general. She will never bend to their judgments and many will label her selfish; but they will never be in her shoes, to live her life. For she will always have an inherently adventurous and free spirited nature that cannot and will not be tamed. This will continue up until the day she closes her eyes for the last time on this plain of existence that we call life. On that day she will know that she honoured that commitment to always remain true to herself and her nature; and that will be the best measure which honours her wildness.