Exhaustion.

There are honestly some days when I simply wake up tired. Exhausted even just from the act of having to live life. As if drawing every breath is a conscious exercise which becomes more and more daunting as the day ticks on. Sometimes all the effort feels like it isn’t anywhere near worth it and the potential rewards don’t even feel that great. It makes you wonder what we spend our lives toiling for, trying so hard for when the end goal doesn’t appear as appealing as it used to anymore. Does that mean that we immediately need to change course and try to work through what has shifted and changed within us to bring us to this point. Does it mean that something in our lives is triggering a level of dissatisfaction that is tainting everything around it. How do we deal with this type of information when it feels like our neural pathways are telling us to drop everything and run. 

Honestly these thoughts go through my head on most days. Lately I have been feeling a pull to be more, to do something more, to show up more. Towards what exactly I do not know. But that invisible string feels like it’s pulling me towards something or somewhere that I desperately need to be. I hear nagging voices which whisper to me constantly about not fulfilling my potential, about wasting opportunities that could bring me so much more. That universal pull which is tugging at my soul is signalling that it is time to pivot towards growth, to authenticity and to moving in a direction that has always been for me; but that I have for one reason or another, yet to explore. It feels like a tug on my heartstrings as much as my entire being that is telling me to be brave, to search for and not be content with staying still. 

But at the same time that drive to always keep pushing also provides a catalyst for a cloud of exhaustion when even contemplating the journey ahead. It’s as if thinking that if I’m tired now, what is it going to look like as I put my journey on overdrive. I’m going to need the energy and the resilience to take knocks on the way, to bounce back and ultimately always stay motivated. To me this is terrifying because it signals that not only am I searching for more outwardly; but that I will have to draw more from within my inner self in order to achieve everything that is calling my name out there in the proverbial distance.

The truth is I can no longer ignore feeling a powerful energy whose magnetic pull is strongly tugging me towards something that I can’t quite see. I have come to realise that the exhaustion that I’m feeling is probably simply apathy towards things that no longer serve me. This is an indication that I have outgrown my current life experience and patterns, whatever these may be. It’s therefore time to intentionally move towards a life that I have always envisioned for myself instead of focusing on moving away from the things I don’t want. It is now time for me to look inwards and create the space towards becoming that person that I was always destined to be. Right now it does feel like I’m stuck in that in between place, in which I can almost touch my future, I can envision who I will become and what I will be known for; but my feet are currently stuck where I am.

But in centering my purpose in life, focusing on learning, collecting experiences and stories I feel like I’m remotivating myself towards growth and movement in general. It feels like my exhaustion ultimately falls away as I reinvigorate that hope for the future. All of a sudden my fear of failure, of putting in the work seems not as scary because I’m ready for the challenge.