To 2019.

Dear 2019,

Here we are, within your midst finally. For the latter half of the year that preceded you I doubted if I would have the strength to see through till your dawning. I was fearful of your existence because so much changed for me just prior to your arrival. You represented the proverbial metaphor of a new beginning. One in which everything was to be foreign for me.

Throughout 2018 I was unsure of how I would feel upon meeting you. See whilst I had previously expressed the need for change, for growth and for development, I hadn’t realised just how much I was holding onto the past; to comfort and ease. For so long I had bemoaned the lack of movement within my life. I had complained about being stuck, both in the same place and within the same monotonous routine. Yet I was unaware of how much I was actually resisting change.

I hadn’t yet understood that subconsciously I was desperately holding on to what I knew, to what I loved and not allowing these things to naturally evolve over time. I was clinging on to situations which were inhibiting my growth. Not out of need or sheer necessity but out of a deep and subconscious fear. I didn’t realise at the time that in order to develop and mature I would have to let go of the familiar. I would have to cut the tether to those I love and rely on in order to take that next inevitable step in life.

I’ve always thought of myself as brave. As an individual, as someone who seeks out things which are far from what I know. I believed myself to be adventurous but what I can now see is that I went out on these expeditions still tethered to comfort and the recognised. I could never fully achieve what was destined for me because I kept looking back and taking steps backward without even realising.

Today I see more clearly. Every moment now is a step into the unknown. At times it feels as though as I am taking this journey blindfolded, stumbling through the dark. But what you have taught me is that I am not lost. I am guided by the brightness of my future. My belief in myself and what is written in the stars for me shines oh so bright, even despite such uncertainty.

I have come to understand that moving forward properly is about letting go. It’s about admitting that nothing is the same and that everything feels different now; but this is necessary for a life worthy of living. What is meant for me is out there somewhere and I will never find it if I am constantly looking back, holding onto things which are no longer there.

So this is to you 2019. I walk along your path at some times with apprehension, a lot of the time alongside the unknown, but inevitably with ultimate hope. I am open to the challenges that lay ahead. I am ready for whatever it is that you have to offer. I come to you with a pure heart, having left all the baggage I’ve been carrying with me for years behind me. I am ready for you.

Sx