I’ve often tended to be quite honest about the things that I struggle with in life. Whether that has been a crippling eating disorder, bouts of anxiety or periods where I have felt in not the best mental health. Whenever I have posted about any of these things I’ve been lucky enough to have had people reach out and check up on me. They have usually asked questions, provided some advice or just generally offered me good will. My response has always been one of gratitude in which I have expressed that yes I’ve been unwell in a way, yes I’ve been challenged but I’ve been honest about it and that I’m doing ok; or at least the best I can in that instant.
What has also tended to happen after these moments though is a tendency for people to immediately accustom my being, my entity, my entire existence, simply to that of my struggles at a certain time. I suppose in a way society has a tendency to stigmatise any kind of illness or ailment as being attributed to weakness. This is especially true when it comes to struggles with mental health or psychosocial impairments.
When I was younger I always used to hear my parents refer to people who weren’t ‘strong enough’ to overcome the things they struggled with mentally. As if identifying this and seeking help was a weakness in itself. For them it was admitting that as an individual you weren’t able to rid yourself of those negative thoughts and this was an example of some kind of a perverse failure. But let’s be honest what they were referring to was that specific person was not able to simply ignore and repress. They were not able to swallow and bury their emotions and in turn their illnesses. As if this is the only appropriate response.
I speak openly about the importance of seeking assistance. I try to mirror what I write about in this blog back to within the example I set in every day life. I continue to attempt to reaffirm to those around me that there is no shame in admitting that you are struggling and turning to a professional to seek help with unpacking all of these things. Because as much as we think we can ‘deal’ with things on our own, in the darkness of our own rooms at night without letting anyone see; this is not actually humanly possible.
Things that gnaw at us which we haven’t fully dealt with have a way of bleeding out and up to the surface. Unresolved tensions, traumas and distresses tend to flare up whenever we are presented with any inevitable shock in life. The fact that we haven’t dealt with these emotions means that we react outwardly based on feelings that are buried in our subconscious. This usually equates to not being able to control how we emote and most often we don’t even understand where it is stemming from.
Within society it’s important to remember that we are not defined by our illnesses. Perhaps if this attitudinal change were to shift and take place it would take some of the shame out of feeling we are burdened with something so heavily stigmatised. Maybe if we all admitted that certain things affect us in way that is associated with significant trauma then we would understand that seeking health care for this is natural and inevitable.
I’ve come to understand that my mandate in life is to open up spaces for conversations for things which seem uncomfortable or taboo. I’ve chosen to do this by using myself as an example, by laying own my battles bare, to be viewed openly and publicly; and I suppose in turn criticised or judged this way too. Towards this though I therefore can’t point a finger at that person over there who is struggling while I have it all together. Obviously, I don’t and never will, because no one does.
Throughout all of my writing I hope that by reading my prose, by going through all of my verses that it prompts you to think. To be brave and carve out spaces for honesty. I hope that you see that we are all works in progress, that we have flaws and hollow points. But that these are to be cherished and that if we choose to better ourselves, to begin to heal from traumatic points in our existence that there are those out there who are mandated to assist us. And most importantly of all, that there is nothing weak or shameful about that pursuit.
Sx
I blog for Change. 