Accepting your humanness.

I read an article the other day that was entitled ‘accepting your humanness’. It touched on so many of the things that I ponder on daily about not comparing yourself against ‘how you should be’. It also hit on the importance of understanding that everyone is different and has messy feelings that cannot be contained or curtailed so easily. The main messaging of the entire piece was that allowing ourselves to fully feel and experience feelings is one of the most important elements of life. It prompted me to wonder however if for myself personally that I embody this in a negative way; as in I definitely allow myself to feel, but perhaps I feel too strongly and too deeply at times.

I tend to attempt to explain to those closest to me, but not at all well at times, that I am an empath. At its most simple definition this means I am an emotional sponge that feels everything within my own heart, soul and psyche exponentially and also that of those around me. These feelings are often so affecting that it’s impossible to recognise whether they are in fact my own or someone else’s that I have unwittingly absorbed. As a result I just cannot rid myself of them and tend to find myself stuck in a feeling I cannot escape. What this then also means is that I have tended to be extremely emotionally reactive once I am triggered to feel these things, and not in a useful way.

In the past I have put the intensity of my emotional reactions down to the fact that I experience sentiment as deeply as I do. But I’ve come to understand lately that my emotions do tend to hijack me quite frequently and because I am unable to disassociate myself with them they make being so sensitive such an overwhelming burden.

I’ve often wondered if the nature of the way I feel in general and so deeply so often is a blessing or a curse. The truth is I am affected by the smallest of things without really understanding why at the time. I know that I am a natural healer, it’s the reason I decided to become a humanitarian and work in community development. It’s the reason that I cannot lie. It’s probably also the reason why people tend to be drawn to me and open up so honestly without me having to say a word. In some subconscious way I emanate this empathic vibe outwardly inviting people in to find solace in my understanding.

However, it’s also the reason that I become so overwhelmed so easily. Why I overthink and why my reactions to all situations in life are tied to my emotions which I can’t seem to escape. It’s probably also the reason why people label me as being too sensitive; and perhaps according to the way they see things, and feel things I am.

I’ve learnt over time to accept my empathy as a gift. It has meant that I love purely, without judgement and with my whole heart. It means I give so much of myself to those I love, that I am always there for my loved ones and that I feel all that they are burdened with alongside them. It’s the reason I love so unconditionally and it’s where my loyalty comes from. Over time I’ve realised that I also need to protect my own heart and setting personal boundaries and reflecting on emotions or scenarios which hurt or trigger me are key. I would never say that I want to ‘control’ my emotions but I have learnt that at times I could deal better with not projecting these within my responses when I feel hurt or saddened.

I try every day to balance this gift with the difficulties involved with it. In my most intimate relationships I am trying to be more honest, to convey my emotional needs and to understand that the way I love is linked to my empathy. I am allowing myself to feel, fully, even if this makes me vulnerable or people judge me as being weak or too emotional as result. Because at the end of the day those who truly love me will understand and accept me as I am, just as I do. I trust in their love for me and their acceptance, which I hope allows them to know that there will always be pitfalls with the depths of my emotion and that at times it will consume me. But for the most part that it is something to be treasured in which their love for me, and mine for them is reflected back oh so exquisitely.

Sx