Surviving.

I wanted to take the time out today to talk about the concept of surviving. Yes, you heard that right, I said surviving, not thriving or living your best life or anything of that pretentious trope. I have always been of the opinion that being honest is more important than projecting a false sense of content or success and the last few months have made that even clearer to me. In our childhood and as we progress into our youth we are sold this concept of life progression and the attainment of those things meaning that our lives are then determined to be well lived and ultimately complete in some way. But no one tells us about the hardship, self doubt and guilt we feel along the way. Did we make the right choice? Are we being too selfish or living our lives completely and utterly for others without thinking about ourselves?

What has also been crystal clear in the recent past is that there are patches in our lives that all we can do is wake up everyday and survive. This means making peace with the chaos around us and the uncertainty of it all. It means taking a hard look at ourselves and our lives and admitting that we are not coping right now, but that is perfectly okay and that this difficult period won’t last forever. It doesn’t mean that we have to grin and bear it or project a sense of having it all together when we really don’t. I suppose in a way it is so much easier when someone asks us how we are or how it’s all going to mimic a positive response and not get into the darkness. We instinctively want to say that we’re ok, that we’re coping and not admit that we are stumbling, questioning everything and struggling to get out of the abyss of the here and now. But why is it that we don’t share our true thoughts and feelings with those around us?

All of this boils down to the concept of vulnerability and the perception of this being associated with weakness. It indicates that showing emotion, especially when we’re struggling with something, then defines us as not being strong enough to overcome. As if struggling itself points to some chink in our armour and makes us defective somehow. But being vulnerable and honest with ourselves and with others actually points to something completely different. It points to emotional maturity, to being self aware. Being vulnerable and honest lends to moving towards better mental health because we are not forcing ourselves to deflect, deny or repress our sadness, our grief or the fact that we are struggling. 

All of this lends to the realistic understanding that life is not all about thriving everyday. It doesn’t push us to expressing the toxic positivity in which we put on a happy face and pretend that we are not human. Instead it allows us to understand that life is a series of ebbs and flows where in some stages we will be thriving, but in others, and most in fact, we will simply be surviving. It’s also equally important that we are honest with ourselves in these periods. That we practice kindness, patience and self love when we are in these states of survival. 

For me personally this has meant slowing down, trying to reconnect with myself, writing in my journal and practicing gratitude each and every day. I’m trying to ensure that I identify 3 things that I am grateful for each day, whilst also checking in with my emotions, being realistic with my aspirations and expressing how I am feeling to those who love me. I am trying to be honest about that feeling of just doing the best I can but trying to ensure that I don’t get stuck within it and then stagnate there. For today however, I survive, in the hope that tomorrow I will strive.