In the midst of all the turmoil that was losing my job, I remember reminding myself to look up and into nature. At that point I was extremely in my own head and I was definitely spiralling into a place of anguish in which I had been thrust into the unknown. But I found a way to drag myself up and outside on one particular day. At the time I remember closing my eyes and taking a deep breath in. Inside me I was losing myself more and more in a quicksand of angst that was fastly consuming me. At the same time, something was tugging at my heartstrings, telling me to open my eyes. As soon as I did, I saw a swarm of white butterflies everywhere I looked. I remember thinking that I’d never seen anything like it. That sight definitely forced me out of my own head for a moment, as I looked on in awe at the glory of nature.
When I researched this phenomena I came across so many articles that spoke about seeing these butterflies as being a metaphor for change, for a new chapter that is coming. Another article I read had identified that just as butterflies go through transformation towards the beauty of their renewed being, so must we. I remember thinking about how poignant that message was in that particular moment. Up until that time I had been spiralling for days trying to figure out what had happened and if it had all just been a bad dream. I remember questioning fate and struggling to see past my own suffering at that point. It felt like there was nothing that could have dragged me out of that feeling of hopelessness. But seeing those butterflies took my breath away for a moment. For a second it felt like the whole world stopped and it was just me and those butterflies that inhabited the planet.
In an instant I was reminded of how small I am in the great expanse that is our universe. I was forced to remember that I am just one being in an ecosystem of so many others. The symbolism of the butterfly also didn’t escape me at that moment. Just like a butterfly goes through metamorphosis, I was being forced onto a similar path myself. One in which I needed to grow, and learn. To be patient and come out the other side a better version of myself. For me those butterflies immediately symbolised an upcoming process of healing, of moving through pain and into the next phase of my life.
As I researched the symbolism of white butterflies around the world, I came to understand the significance of them to so many cultures globally. I read of white butterflies bringing a specific message of healing, of pushing you to truly delve into the darkness that is weighing you down to then grow wings and achieve that ultimate freedom that comes with a total transformation.
I didn’t realise how much I needed to go through this phase in order to reinvest in myself. I have realised in the time since that I have been neglecting myself, I have not been kind to myself and I’ve judged myself harshly on many occasions. The stress that my previous job was putting me under had pushed me to my limits and I didn’t like the person that I was becoming. One who was increasingly more impatient each day, who was emotionally numb for the most part, and who had to compartmentalise and give up so much in order to keep going and to keep climbing up that corporate wrung. I had started to notice that I was also losing my compassion and this made me question who I was at my core.
As traumatic as the last few months have been I made my peace with my fate the day I saw those butterflies. This doesn’t mean that life ever since has been any easier. It just means that it forced me to see that as uncomfortable as this change period will be, it was much needed to forge towards a better future. My life changed the day I witnessed those butterflies in all of their glorious being after their own metamorphosis.
I blog for Change. 