Dear 2024,
I feel such a huge weight of relief which has engulfed me since your time has ended. I can say with my entire being that I have never come across a year like what I endured during your time. I saw many a struggle; I felt like I lost much more than I gained. I have never experienced so much rejection and questioned myself more than I did in 2024.
But here I stand on the other side, simply having survived. There were days when I thought I would never get through. When I felt myself so lost and adrift that I couldn’t see straight. Oftentimes I explained my anguish as feeling like I’d lost all hope and lost the mere ability to be happy or excited about anything. For so much of the year I felt like all I was doing was taking up space in the hope of seeing a better future in the days or months to come. I have never felt such deep sadness as I did in 2024. It felt like a year of so many broken promises. Promises which would have seen me be a parent, see success in my career. Instead what I was presented with was shattered dreams.
I look back now and wonder how I managed to pull myself out of bed every morning when I struggled to find one reason to do so. The self doubt which nagged at me meant that I lost myself and the commitment and motivation that drives who I am as a human being. For much of my time last year it felt like I was operating on autopilot, in the midst of fog and haze. But somehow I managed to continue and have found myself on the other side.
For the most part, as I reflect, I am incredibly proud of myself. I survived in spite of it all. I have learned and grown more than I have in a long time. I have been humbled, I have been reminded of what gratitude should be. I have learnt to value every moment and hold on to those joyous instances in time regardless of what preceded them.
I have no idea what the future holds and I’m not naive enough to believe that I won’t encounter more pain or suffering. For these are the things that make us human, this is what life represents. That fragility is what makes being alive so incredible. But as I walk into 2025, I do so with an open heart. I do so with a commitment to be a better wife, a better daughter, a better friend. I do so with a deep commitment to be kinder to myself and to live every moment with vigour. This year I vow to be grateful for all I have and to reinvigorate that passion that once drove me. I will be less fearful and more hopeful.
This year I will do more than survive.
I blog for Change. 