Courage.

When I was younger I grappled with the idea of self identity. I felt like I knew the person I was becoming but I also understood somehow that evolving into this form would take courage. What I’ve discovered over time is that living courageously is hard, it takes commitment and a deep seated trust in one’s sense of self. For no matter how much we may know deep in our gut that our life path is for us, odds are if it looks different to the majority we will have to staunchly defend our choices at every turn. For the most part these decisions will come under constant critique as others encounter a level of fear and discomfort with our choices to veer off the known path.

As time has gone on and I’ve achieved more years under my belt within this existence, I have become more aware about how finite life is. The truth is we never know what is around the corner or what is coming for us. In many instances we tend to take life for granted or bemoan the fact that something hasn’t gone entirely according to plan. We compare our ‘success’ or progress with others and we forget that what makes life worth living are the bits in between. We try to conform and make ourselves believe that we all want the same things out of life. But the longer I live, the more I realise that I want to live a life that is right for me.  I care about quality of life and if I only have a certain number of years available to me, then I choose to live them consciously and with intent. 

I have tried my best to keep my eye on that proverbial northern star that seeks adventure and curiosity first. I continue to remind myself to not compare my journey to others; and for the most part this works well. However, I still encounter days when someone’s pointed question about my choices in life makes me doubt myself. For as strong as I can be mentally and as much as I trust my gut and know what I want for myself this goes against the grain and therefore it makes it hard to stay resolute. 

I’ve come to understand however that these opinions that befall my life from others have more to do with their fear of the unknown. This is due to what is perceived to be ‘unconventional’ choices which challenge the predictable path that many others follow. I can now see that this ‘unpredictability’ can make others feel discomfort as it deviates from the expected ‘safe’ life stages which represent mainstream understanding of progress and growth. But I don’t feel the need to confine myself to the options of paths that others have followed. I have found that I don’t aspire to the same things that other people do and inevitably my childlessness allows me opportunities that others who have children may not have. This excites me more than anything else and perhaps that exact notion is the reason why my life will take a direction that others will not.

For this reason I am deeply committed to living life according to my own terms, despite the negative feedback and the noise. I don’t know what it will look like and inevitably there will be days when I question myself. However, I am committed to holding on to a deep sense of purpose instead of letting fear drive me. I will embrace it and acknowledge it instead to seeking to eliminate it entirely. For surely life is about questioning ourselves, our path and the things that surround us so that we do not fall into a place of complacency; so we continue to grow throughout our lifetime.