So the last article that I posted on this platform spoke of feeling an utter loss of passion. It identified a sense of lack of belief in the industry that I have dedicated my life too. That wasn’t an easy post to make public, nor was the understanding that I had to accept this sentiment and attempt to move on. For me it feels like international development is all I have ever known and as much as I know that I have been stuck and need to pursue other opportunities, in reality it’s still a terrifying prospect.
Within this equation though fate seemed to intervene at just the right moment in which for the first time I applied for a job in a different sector. It was still in the not for profit space, which I have realised is my non-negotiable within my career. But this particular role was within a domestic not for profit supporting people with complex mental health issues. I remember getting the phone call in which I was asked to come in for an interview and whilst I was pleased to have the call back I still felt a deep existential dread at the pit of my stomach.
I almost took the easy way out and didn’t go to the interview. I remembered saying to my boyfriend ‘I can’t face any more rejection’; when what I actually meant was ‘I’m scared of the unknown’. At that time a strange feeling came over me in which I thought that surely comfort within what is known is better than something foreign and new. It didn’t matter right then that I had accepted that I was no longer being challenged and had outgrown my role. In that moment all I wanted to do was cling to the familiar regardless of the fact that I knew it would be detrimental to me in the long run.
When I woke up the next morning I pondered over this passing feeling for some time. It seemed ludicrous in the clear light of day that I would give up an opportunity to grow, even if it would be challenging and completely out of my comfort zone. So I went to that interview; I can’t pretend that there were not moments when I considered simply running in the other direction and hiding away behind my safe, cushy current job, but I still proceeded in spite of this nagging thought.
To wind a long story short, I was offered the job in the proceeding days and I accepted it. Even within the current moment of composing this piece I still feel anxious and somewhat fearful about what the future may hold. The international development space within Australia has been my home for the past 10 years. I have never professionally operated outside of this space and that feeling of vulnerability in the openness to come is close to debilitating. But I can no longer hide behind what I know and what is safe. It’s time to move on, to move forward.
In the back of my mind I know I now have to open myself up to a completely different sector, to people and places which are utterly foreign to me. I also need to accept that this new learning curve will be steep and that it will be imperative to keep my ego in check because of this. My pride needs to be put aside to admit that I am new to the space but will require to balance that out with knowing that my skills are transferrable.
I am ready for this challenge all the while knowing that I am leaving almost all that I know behind. I remind myself every day now that life isn’t about being stagnant; it is not about only doing what you know or what feels comfortable. It’s about challenging yourself to acquire new skills, to enter new domains and most importantly be humble about the learning and growth process within this. It’s about acknowledging that most times our projections for where we are supposed to go in life are entirely erroneous. Instead of plotting and attempting to hold onto complete control, we should instead be open to new challenges and paths we never thought to endeavour upon before.
Sx
I blog for Change. 