I feel like I have grown and changed so much in the space of just a few years. I used to be unflinchingly ambitious. I dreamed of climbing the corporate ladder, ‘putting in the hard work’ and going above and beyond for title and status. In 2024 before my redundancy I was firmly on a path where I was building towards a goal of senior leadership within prominent NGOs. I believed that this was my trajectory and I needed to put in the blood, sweat and tears to achieve this so-called dream. If I look back and try to examine the roots of when this aspiration was cultivated, I can’t quite identify it. The only thing that I can point to is that it was developed in the shadow of expectations of success which weren’t to be found within me. It appears that this goal was always something which was linked to external validation in line with societal expectations for what is perceived to be life’s achievements.
In the time since I’ve come to understand that there is a need to distinguish between internal and external goals. The difference between the two being that usually internal goals focus more on fulfilment and personal growth; whilst external goals look towards rewards, recognition and validation from others. It’s therefore incredibly important to be able to identify and acknowledge the differences between the two. What I have come to understand was that the career trajectory which took me towards higher echelons of power within the humanitarian and development sector was never really my own dream. Instead it was a result of deep seated social conditioning which forces us to believe that a life well lived looks the same for everyone. It identifies that ambition, status climbing, wealth and senior titles represent success and that should be the most pressing thing to attain towards.
When I consider the practicalities within this ambition it seems to be at odds with the very core of my nature as a human being. The truth is I dislike having to manage people because my empathetic nature makes it impossible to not give everything of myself towards my own detriment. As I manager I practice a servant leadership style which prioritises the well-being, needs and growth of team members above my own. Whilst this may make a difference in terms of the lives of those I manage, it is almost always at odds with requirements that senior leadership within companies expect in which the betterment of the organisation is prioritised ahead of anything else. In the days when I served in these roles I felt drained, always emotional and burnt out beyond anything I could explain. When I look back now I find it hard to fathom how I would be comfortable giving away so much of myself and looking down the barrel of a lifetime of this.
I’ve come to realise now that I value quality of life over ambition. I no longer want to pursue external validation because it no longer serves me. The truth is that we all only get a certain number of years to exist within this life so I refuse to exchange happiness and contentment simply for a title or a designation. What I choose to focus on now centers around purpose, a concept which is highly individualised and different for each person. I plan on leaning into the authenticity of my own voice, my own wants, needs and desires and building my life around these elements instead of what is simply expected of me. I choose to be led by my heart and soul first and I commit to taking the time out to defining that inner sense of purpose which is key to fulfillment in life. This ultimately means that I am building a more defined sense of self in which I am no longer chasing someone else’s dreams.
What this therefore leads to is that these markers of success which I am redefining are no longer about optics. Instead they align with my morals and values and the vision for how I want to live my own unique life. This signifies a method of being true to myself and my individual dreams which will therefore naturally manifest towards quality of life on my own terms. For me now my definition of success centers around internal markers of developing emotional resilience, building authenticity, ensuring self awareness, value alignment and purpose fulfilment. I’m confident that keeping these as my proverbial Northern star will always keep me on the right track for a life well lived according to my own unique terms.
I blog for Change. 