Restlessness.

I’ve felt a deep seated sense of restlessness recently that I just can’t seem to kick. There just seems to be this longing sense of yearning that resides within my heart that seemingly taints everything in my path. It feels like my soul is whispering to me that I need more; that there is something else out there for me which feels just beyond my reach. It’s made it difficult to focus on anything for long periods of time and propelled a blanketed state of boredom or a lack of content across everything I do. It’s made me wonder if I’m on the precipice of taking that path that is destined for me or if I have taken the wrong turn somewhere.

What I’m feeling is probably best described as a part of life’s incessant sense of longing which we are all prone to as human beings. The emotional yearning is said to represent an intense desire for something that feels just out of reach. It often also emerges with a sense of urgency which is desperately hard to ignore and feels like an aching pulling towards potential fulfillment. For me at the heart of all of this is a yearning for personal growth and meaning which is guided by an overwhelming sense of unfulfilled potential. It’s showing up as feeling like I’m behind or that I’ve blinked and missed my window. Or potentially that I’ve taken the wrong path towards a future not destined for me. The obvious gap between my current reality and my desired reality is prompting a nagging inner tension that won’t cease.

I read some research recently which links this feeling of restlessness with times of growth and transition. It’s almost as if our souls, our entire beings, can sense the future ahead of us, but our bodies feel stuck in the present moment struggling to move us forward. Within all of this there is a sense of escapism that presents when these feelings are at their peak leading to an excessive level of immersion within these imagined futures. The irony within all of this then means this ultimately disconnects us from our present realities; which leads to a never ending dissatisfaction which continues the cycle of yearning.

What I’ve therefore been grappling with of late is trying to find helpful ways to satisfy these core yearnings. In my heart I know that I’m searching for adventure, for challenge. My soul is screaming at me to live life differently because I’ve come to understand that I’m just geared differently to other people. The things that I want in life look vastly different to others and there’s a certain layer of chaos or maybe just impulsivity that I crave. The question is how do I honour these things in a way that isn’t completely self destructive.Therefore, the question then becomes how do I take this endless yearning and redirect it to something useful. I’m trying to use these persistent feelings to set realistic goals in which I can work towards that put me on a track to where I want to be. 

I am therefore ultimately being forced to consider how I can ground these sentiments. The thinking being that I will continue to draw on that restlessness to motivate myself to be more, to do more. But I intend on embedding this yearning within a level of realism in which I can utilise such strong emotions for motivation to move towards the life I envision for myself. What it will ultimately mean is that instead of retreating into an imagined reality, I can build towards something more real and tame a yearning that will never eventuate into anything beyond my imagination. I intend to now be present more, to listen to what my heart and my soul are saying. I intend to honour that yearning because it’s a part of me; it represents how I ultimately want to live. But I need to find a way to balance this with actual real life. I’m not sure how this will play out over time, but surely calling it out and recognising it is the first step towards moving forward. In any sense, I intend to try my best; and try I certainly will.