I’ve wondered lately how it is that we know if we’re on the right path in life. If there are no blazing red signs that tell us ‘wrong way, turn back’ how will we ever decipher if the choices we make are the right ones. I’ve been considering the elements that make up a life well lived and have wondered if others question decisions they have made as much as I do. Potentially my obsession with ensuring I live life to the fullest potential has added a layer of fear of not living up to this into the mix. It’s created an unnecessarily high bar which I’m struggling to live up to because the measurement itself is somewhat unattainable.
I’ve had to have a surgery recently with a very long recovery time. For part of this time I was not allowed to do anything physically and this put me in a place where I went down a deep TikTok spiral. What this resulted in was deep seated parasocial comparisons in which I measured my own life against curated personas of TikTokers and Instagrammers that only show us a minute, tiny aspect of their real lives. The inner turmoil this got me feeling was one in which I felt like I had nothing to show for myself. It made me question everything. This coupled with an existing restlessness I’d been feeling left me in a place where I wondered whether blowing up my life was the only way forward. Surely self destruction in pursuit of this curated image of what life should look like was the inevitable next step.
As the weeks passed, I was able to literally touch grass and I started to understand how distorted the entire concept of ‘the right path’ has become. It isn’t about hitting a certain, sudden destination and then feeling all the feels associated with life contentment and success. Life does not have to and shouldn’t look the same way for everyone; and surely honouring the intention of authenticity and commitment to self is a measure of success alone. The truth is we will probably never know with absolute certainty that we are indeed on the right path. Perhaps also the idea of ‘the right path’ shifts and changes over time; and it’s different for everyone. I know personally that some directions that I have wholeheartedly taken in the past where I believed were uniquely for me are no longer where I see myself headed. These dreams and ideals no longer serve me because I’m not that person anymore. This means that where I am headed in life now looks different and I have intentionally shifted paths towards a road more authentic to me.
The right path is always the path that feels right for my own life. I suppose part of this is simply making a choice, leading with my heart and then following that through. Therefore understanding that I will never know whether this sits in right or wrong; and potentially there are no wrong turns to be made in life. All of these choices represent life lessons. When I personally reflect on choices I made in the past which caused me heartbreak, with time I can see they turned out to be necessary life lessons in disguise. The truth is that I am a better person because of having to endure those painful episodes.
Taking the fear component out of all of this and stopping the second guessing allows a level of fearlessness which can only lead to contentment. The ultimate destination that I’m heading in is truly unknown right now but that means I can shape my journey to suit myself. I can pave my own paths and sometimes they may lead to dead ends. But that just means that I need to turn around and try a different direction instead. Within all of this, I take with me the lessons I learnt from the paths that didn’t lead any further. They developed resilience within me that could not have been forged elsewhere. At least at the end of it all I can know that I tried my best, I tripped and faltered at times but ultimately that I kept going.
The fact is uncertainty is what makes life worth living. If we knew the outcome of every choice that we made and all of our paths in life were preknown to us, we wouldn’t find the same contentment once we reached them. There’s an element of not knowing that makes life exciting; the possibilities are therefore endless. It’s also important for me to remember that my existence is not entirely rudderless. There is a direction that my inner voice is always whispering to me about on a consistent basis. Maybe I never quite heard it before, or the volume was down. But once it makes itself known, it is almost impossible to ignore.
What keeps me going now is that in order to find what is right for me, I have to keep going. I have to take the fear out of trying and live life curiously. Part of this is understanding that the inevitable trips just mean that I had the courage to endeavour on unknown paths. That the life experience this affords me will make the vision for how I live more honed and authentic to myself. It shows me that the right path for me is still to be determined.
I blog for Change. 