A few months ago I wrote a blog titled ‘For the moments’. At the time I really meant the sentiment around flinging yourself into life and letting yourself experience things fully if even at the same time, you know they are but fleeting moments. Back then it felt easy to do so because other parts of my life felt steady. Now the steadiness, the security has simply turned to uncertainty and it has therefore become so much harder to ‘live life for the moments’.
At difficult times such as these, I have tried to remind myself that my existence is but a part of a much wider ecosystem of life. I am reminded of the concept of non attachment which is a prominent theme in Buddhism. It speaks to the need to let go of our attachments to people, places, things, relationships and everything in between. The idea being that attachment = suffering and the only way to overcome this is to relinquish control and let go. It focuses on the impermanence of all things and pushes us to release expectations that come along with possessing things; and inevitably attempting to hold on to them forever. For it seems that when we cling to something, which is ultimately always going to be impermanent anyway, and demand that it remains stable, suffering naturally follows. Not because of the instability that may then arise, but because we were never meant to hold on to said thing forever to begin with. There should be a way of experiencing things without trying to possess them fully and therefore force a said outcome.
An idea which deserves more intention and consideration is also the one which suggests that we shouldn’t cling too tightly to ideas even of our own identity, including the stories we tell to ourselves, and about ourselves. For this too can, and should change with time, with age and with new experiences. People will inevitably come into our lives to teach us lessons which then shift the nature of who we become. It feels natural to try to hold onto them and force a certain outcome, given how profound their impact was. But perhaps where the beauty lies, is actually within releasing that grip and enabling and allowing them to simply be; and present and play out in our lives as time enables them to.
What’s difficult about this however is that as human beings we tend to always be looking for answers which satisfy some sort of hunger. A hunger for knowledge, wisdom and even love, wealth, status. We are always searching for direction when perhaps we should instead be learning to be comfortable within the uncertainty. In many ways this is where fear comes in which inevitably stops us from embarking forward because of a fear of the unknown. For me personally, I’ve been trying really hard to unlearn this behaviour and these patterns, or to at least stop and question them when they present. I’ve been trying to step forward into the uncertainty, without a safety net, but having the courage to continue moving, in spite of not knowing what comes next. I’ve been trying to not desperately cling to things to simply hold them, just to feel safe or secure.
But surely the joy in life should be found in embracing the uncertainty. In not projecting future outcomes onto the people we come across along the way. I saw a quote recently which read ‘accepting that good outcomes can emerge from the unknown is powerful within itself’. The honest truth right now is that I can’t predict the person I will be in a few months or a few years time. I have no idea who will be standing beside me or walking this section of the path with me. But a part of life comes with deeply appreciating life’s fleeting pleasures without holding onto them. For in spite of change being what we fear most at times; change and uncertainty are the only answers when the current versions of our reality are no longer serving us. So for now, I choose to be brave. I choose to be present and value those who cross my path without attempting to force them to stay. I choose to wander in life, at least for now, without attempting to force outcomes or foretell my ultimate destination. And for now, that is more than enough.
I blog for Change. 